I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
