My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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