He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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