I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
