i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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