oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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