my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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