i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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