i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
