I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
