i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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