my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
