Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
