I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
