tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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