just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
