everyone is single if you try hard enough
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry about my life...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think people are normalizing furries
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
