I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
