Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
