how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
