apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
