Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
