They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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