My first STD was from a foam party
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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