i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
