I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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