he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
