But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
