Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
