Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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