Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
