Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
