I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sext me about skeletons
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
