At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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