I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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