Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
