I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
