Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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