He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
