i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it hurts more in the daytime
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
