Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
