She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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