youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
