Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
