I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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