I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
