I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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