so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
