we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm like, not good at living.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
