That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We had to coat check the pizza.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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